Can I Live?

Disclaimer: This is not a racial post. I'm just sick of people expecting me to fake the funk. 

Can I live. Three simple words. Thank you Reasonable Doubt. Thank you Jay-Z. 

I'm going to be 100% honest with you, black woman are fighters. We have to fight white men, white woman, black men, black women, society, stereotypes, jeans that aren't made for actual butts, we have to fight everyday. Sometimes I feel like I have to put on a mask, a higher voice, sound cheerful, always act perky, use bigger words, not pop my gum, and refrain my all those neck motions I've grown accustomed to... all in the name of proving myself and if I'm not perky now I have an attitude. Being a woman who happens to be black isn't enough. We can't be humble, we have to boast our achievements otherwise we don't get the respect we already deserved. Let's not even talk about the hypersexualism associated with having a fat ass, large boobs, and full lips. Not today.

There are 5 things that  erk my last nerve and make me want to say
 "Can I Live?"

1. Can you twerk? 

Get Out: 3 Signs Your Relationship is Toxic!

Don't allow the need to be needed be the reason you have toxic relationships! 

Over the course of my 20 something years of life I've encountered almost every type of relationship. I've been in toxic relationships with a bae, I've been in the most selfish friendships, and I've let people I thought loved/cared about me take advantage of me. Here's the deal... There were signs in every single one of these relationships that I needed to leave.

Get Out. 

I'm the nice girl, you know the one who can't say no, the one who despite is hurting and screaming inside will still put her feelings aside to make someone else happy. Yea, that was me for nearly 25 years of my life. I did what everyone else wanted me to do and gave up on my own personal happiness. 

I Know The Signs Now. 

Now that I've gotten over that hurt and learned to manage my sweetness and my savagedom (Hey Rihanna!!) life is a bit easier. I know the signs that I ignored for so long and I run, I run away like a suburban mom driving through the hood. I'm outchea, you hear me?

Baby girl, just be you.

(Photo Cred: Josh Kelly)

As I was perusing my IG feed the other day I was completely taken aback by the ongoing lack of size diversity I saw.  I get it major fashion corporations, skinny is in ::major side eye::. But for the rest of us women who are normal we prefer to see us.

What I mean by that is I absolutely love seeing the Ashley Grahams of the world KILL IT. I mean confidence on 10, clothes on point, face beat for the gawds.

I. LOVE. IT. 

I was referred to as plus size a few weeks back and it hurt not one feeling in my body or soul as it pertains to me. It hurt every bit of me when I think about young girls who are getting labeled as plus size before they even know what that means. I'm so sick of this body dysmorphic behavior society is encouraging.

If you're skinny, be skinny, and be proud. I get it. You've been skinny your whole life and all people do is shame you for being skinny. Baby girl, I know you eat, and you probably love every moment of it.

If you're a size 6, rock that 6 girl. Slim thick or nahhh, you're beautiful.

How A Hungry Girl defeats Hanger.

(This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Extend Nutrition. The opinions and text are all mine.)

As you all know I'm the OG triple OG Hungry Girl and my hunger is typically on 10. Hanger (hungry + anger) is a real thing and can only be cured with a dose of food. The thing is, I'm pretty busy, I mean honestly who isn't these days? It's hard to always pack my lunch or meal prep all these healthy snacks in cute Tupperware containers that match, with a custom lunch box. On my quest to find something easier, convenient, AND healthy, I found Extend Nutrition Bars. Extend Nutrition Bars are packed with protein, gluten free, and sugar free or low sugar naturally sweetened with Stevia, plus their scientific formula has a very low glycemic index.  Now normally I would not, I repeat would not, recommend a protein type bar because most of them cause my stomach to hurt. But, when it comes to long-lasting energy, these Extend Bars help keep my life moving AND they taste so good; you don't even know there’s a ton of science behind the formula. 

I'm Not Lazy, I'm Just Tired.

( I thought this pic was appropriate since y'all say I'm always on my phone anyway lmao. Photo Cred: The Princess Jennifer)

Today was the only day 'off' I've had in weeks and I'm tired boss.

I know I need to rest. But I can't help but to feel guilty for not working right now. The real problem is the grind 24/7 mindset that I've become accustomed to has lead to this self care guilt I have.

Sleep. Rest. Chill. Me Time. 

Like seriously, how do you guys do it? As a woman self care is one of the most important ways to keep going, but for some reason I can't. I feel like if I'm not always writing and reading an email I'm not working hard enough. If I'm not drafting a proposal several times x day or week I'm not grinding hard enough. If I sleep I'm missing out.

You can't let financial gains be the only measurement of success. 

I feel lazy. Despite averaging 10-12 hour work days every day. I feel like Kanye when he was doing 5 beats a day for 3 summers. Complete grind mode. I think unshakable feeling that when I do anything not related to work I'm being lazy, distracted, aloof, all that. I won't lie, these dishes pile up, my clothes go unfolded for weeks, and I grab laundry for the day straight out the dryer. Looking at these chores that are normal parts of adulting like "yea, thats gonna be a NO for me dawg" and push it off for another day. I feel lazy.

I'm not lazy. I'm just tired. 

I took the WHOLE day off yesterday and literally forced myself to put any work thoughts out of my head and just had me time. Me time can be stressful though. When I finally have time to decompress sometimes I'm reminded of all the things I haven't done instead of all the things I have done. I'm slowly learning to recognize and appreciate the small wins.

Smalls wins add up to big victories. 

So this week, I'm going to try to embrace this me time, chill time, do what makes me happy time. Do y'all well adjusted individuals have any advice on easy ways to adult :)!

(Song of the moment: The Pressure, Jhene Aiko)



Stay hungry my friends...

Young Ray